The Unbearable Brightness of Being

Every single day bursts with opportunity. So much to see, so much to learn, and so much to do! Sometimes I can barely contain my happiness — how fortunate am I to be born on this bountiful planet — that too at a time when mankind is witnessing its greatest technological advances as well as a resurgence of spiritual values.

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At times it seems futile even to try and learn a single discipline — music, art, engineering, photography — each worth several lifetimes of study.

How much could I possibly grasp in this infinitesimal interval which I have been given — to play, to live, to learn, to give?

Challenges, doubts, distractions and obstacles abound; yet they pale in comparison to the overwhelming good it has been my humble privilege to witness. Helping hands in an apparently selfish world; simple, innocent love in a place where trust is reported absent; abundance and generosity where lack would seem to loom large.

And running through it all like a leitmotif — wonderful, complex music coupled with moments of utter stillness, Samadhi (higher level of concentrated meditation). The Master’s grace wafts through this existence, a fragrance of rose and sandalwood, turning each breath into intense prayer.

It’s as though a giant hand obliterates the din, the traffic, the pollution, the crime and the grime in a fraction of a second; I stand renewed, recharged and refreshed — helplessly and hopelessly unable to express my bliss.

Cheers to my beautiful life, Los Angeles and the people who have made it worth living for!

Love

SS

PS: Its officially Shubham Singh now…so SS made more sense;)

Posted from my MacBook Air

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13 Reasons Why A Dog Will Make Your Life So Much Better (I Miss You BRUNO)

So the other day my friend Adrienne and myself were talking about our dogs and it ultimately ended up making both of us nostalgic! That’s when she shared few things with me…would like to share with ya’ll:)

When alpine ski racer Lindsey Vonn found out she would have to miss the Sochi Winter Olympics in order to get knee surgery, she was naturally super bummed out. So what did she do to make herself feel better? She adopted a dog:

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Leo seems like a very logical mood-booster. Anyone who owns and loves a dog knows it becomes hard to live without their consistent and utter devotion to you. And even though they may love you at least partially because they literally rely on you to do things like eat, it’s a two-way road when you own a dog. You may keep them alive by feeding and taking care of them, but they are also taking care of you.

Numerous studies have shown that owning a dog benefits a person’s physical and mental well-being. So read up, and then go thank your pup for making your life so much better.
1. You’re also getting a walk when you take your dog out.

Sometimes it may seem like such a nuisance (especially in these colder months), but walking your dog helps you stay more active than people who don’t have to walk the dog. A 2006 Canadian study found that dog owners were more likely to participate in moderate physical activity than those who didn’t own a dog. They walked an average of 300 minutes per week, compared with non-dog owners, who walked an average of 168 minutes per week.
2. Dogs can strengthen the bonds between humans.

recent study at the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts Universityfound that people who have strong connections to their pets also have social and relationship benefits. The researchers surveyed 500 18- to 26-year-olds and found that those who had “strong attachment to pets reported feeling more connected to their communities and relationships.” They also found that the more attached a person was to an animal as a teenager and young adult, the more empathetic and confident he or she was.
3. Some dogs can detect if you have cancer or not.

A black lab named Marine could save your life. The specially-trained eight-year-old dog can detect when a person has colorectal cancer 91 percent of the time just by sniffing the person’s breath. And if she smells stool, she can detect whether the person has colorectal cancer with 97 percent accuracy. It’s estimated that a dog’s sense of smell is up to a million times better than a human’s.
4. Dogs can also help make sure you don’t eat things you are allergic to.

Pups trained at the Florida Canine Academy can smell even the slightest hint of peanut in a room. This comes especially handy for people who have intense peanut allergies. These dogs are so good that they can detect peanuts in a cookie or in a candy bar that is wrapped in a lunch bag.

In Texas, a place called “Southern Star Ranch” provides trained dogs to people who are suffering with severe peanut allergies. One grateful testimonial tells the story of a family with a son who was so severely allergic to peanuts that he had to be home-schooled and could only have highly-supervised playdates. When he was nine, the family took in Remy, a peanut-detecting dog, who the family swears has a “college-educated mind.” The dog detects peanuts before their son comes in contact with them, and now the family enjoys greater freedom.
5. Just looking at your dog will make you feel happier.

2009 study by Miho Nagasawa of Azabu University in Japan found that one’s level of oxytocin (the neurohormone that elicits feelings of happiness) raised intensely after interacting with their dogs. And the only interaction they needed was to stare into their dog’s eyes. Those who looked longer into their dog’s eyes had the bigger dose of oxytocin. Fun fact: A dog’s willingness to meet eyes with humans is one of the things that separates them from wolves.
6. A dog’s face could bring out the caretaker in you.

Homans writes that Austrian zoologist Konrad Lorenz, speculated that a dog’s face could possess an “infant schema” — meaning that its “high forehead, big eyes, short snout and floppy ears might have evolved to take advantage of human’s innate responses.” The features are known as “social releasers” and can elicit a human caregiver’s response.
7. Dogs seriously calm you down in high-stress situations.

Karen Walker, a psychology professor at the University of Buffalo, performed a series of tests that proved dogs help reduce people’s everyday stress. She wired volunteers to blood-pressure monitors and had them count rapidly backwards by threes from a four-digit number (a task that seems simple, but is actually pretty challenging. Just try it.) She found that the subject’s stress response was significantly lower if there was a dog in the room. In his book, Homans also cites a Japanese study that found elderly people who regularly walk a dog have enhanced heart rate variability, which is associated with stress reduction.
8. They help us recover psychologically from a crisis.

Dogs have been proven to help the recovery process of soldiers going through post-traumatic stress disorder. One army veteran, Robert Soliz, a former army specialist who served in Baghdad, found that engaging with dogs in a program called “Paws for Purple Hearts” helped him get his life back to the way it was before he left for war. When he returned, Soliz was so traumatized that he couldn’t show any affection and struggled to even hug his kids. After spending six weeks with a golden retriever, Soliz began to feel more comfortable with his family.
9. Your dog could help prevent your child from developing eczema.

In 2010, a study found that children who were allergic to dogs but lived with at least one of them during their first year of life had a lower risk of developing the chronic skin condition eczema by age four. Interestingly, the complete opposite is true for cat ownership. Researchers found that children with cat allergies were 13 times more likely to develop eczema if they lived with a cat within their first year.
10. Your pooch could be your cure for loneliness.

Loneliness is common among the elderly. Studies have shown that in people 60 years of age and older, owning a dog (or a cat) were four times less likely to be diagnosed as clinically depressed. “The Waltham Book of Human-Animal Interactions: Benefits and Responsibilities” cites a study on medical visits by elderly people. The study proved that, compared with non-owners, pet owners made fewer medical visits over the course of a year.
11. Your dog will force you to be social, for better or for worse.

When you own a dog, you are forced to interact with people because you have to walk that dog in public. People are more likely to stop and say hello to you because you have a cute pup bouncing alongside you. In some cases, these interactions could change the rest of your life. Take the case of 71-year-old Emma Cooper, who had been living alone for eight years after her husband died. She told Psychology Today:

“I was out walking Surrey, my cocker spaniel and this man stopped to give him a pat. He seemed like a nice man and told me that he used to have a blonde cocker spaniel just like Surrey. We started to talk about living with dogs and then stopped for a cup of coffee. Well one thing led to another and Bill and I are getting married next month–as soon as we can find a clergyman who is willing to let a dog stand in as the best man!”

12. One study found that owning a dog could make you more attractive to potential love matches.

According to a study conducted by Dog’s Trust, the United Kingdom’s largest dog welfare charity, when they surveyed 700 people, 60 percent said that owning a dog can make people more attractive, while 85 percent think people are more approachable when they are with a dog. Even more, it could matter what kind of dog you own. In a survey by mobile pet app Klooff, certain dog breeds are more likely to attract members of the opposite sex than others. Men noted that they judged women with Chihuahuas as dumb, hot and easy; while women said they viewed men with bulldogs as one-night-stands. However, women really like men who owned Labrador or golden retrievers.
13. A dog makes us appreciate the simple things in life.

Homans presents one of the best arguments for why a dog is a great asset to one’s life: The dog “takes us back to simpler modes of interaction.” Homans writes, “In a world of email and texting and videoconferencing, a relationship with a dog is unmediated by technology.” Couldn’t we all use a cuddly canine to tear us away from our smartphones?

Happy Birthday BRUNO!

My boy turns 5 this February 12.

May god bless you with loads of choo sticks, bones, chicken and good health!

Love you Boy!

S

The 7 stages of love: Love is not cheap!!

Love comes at a high price

Love is a spiritual attribute therefore it comes at a high price. That means that love is not something that comes passively, it must be worked at throughout life. All spiritually valuable commodities come at high price (such as patience, humility, kindness, optimism, honesty). That means that all these qualities are practiced consistently over time. You don’t become patient or humble overnight. Similarly with love, we do not become loving over night. We cannot achieve true love after 3 months with the partner we have chosen. A spiritually developed person, who has truly developed their ability to love, can feel this love for every living thing. They possess a special type of love for anyone.

It is impossible to decide to “love” and think of it in textbook terms. It is one thing to say “I have made the decision to love everyone” and it is a completely different thing to truly feel that genuine and sincere love in our heart for everyone. We can only start to nurture this loving feeling within our hearts, we can create an environment in our soul that allows love to grow without killing it. This can take a very long time, sometimes a whole lifetime, sometimes more than one lifetime. But that’s what we are here to do, so let’s get started today.

These days we throw around the word “love” like cheap currency. We make it synonymous with things like lust, passion, desire – but as you can see – there are other words for that. So we should try to keep the word “love” as pure as possible, and as true to it’s real meaning as much as we possibly can. Because love is not passion, nor is it desire, and love is definitely not lust. These feelings have nothing to do with real love, and don’t give any realistic indication of what real love is.

The rate of divorces and separations is increasing exponentially in our culture today. The Vedas actually predict that in the future, the couple who has remained together for life will be seen as saint-people – those who possess some mystical ability to hold a relationship together for life.

According to the Vedas, there are 7 stages of love in a marriage between two people.

Stage one: Falling in love.

This is the most famous stage of them all. The trademark symbol of “love”. It is in this in this stage that some of the strangest things can be done by people in their wild and sometimes inappropriate expressions of love and commitment. And in Romeo and Juliet’s case- even suicide and murder was justified by their “(Stage One) love”.

This is “chemical love”.
The man and woman experience an inexplicable lust and desire for each other. Hormones are released in their bodies that give them a feeling of attachment and commitment towards each other. It’s like being on a high. The lover’s logic and reason is dulled, and a sense of ambition, pride and motivation take over. Together, they become unstoppable, invincible. They believe nothing could conquer their love. Under the influence of this chemical intoxication, the lovers in this stage need all the help they can get from an outside sober mentor – but unfortunately at this time, they are least likely to accept their mentors advice. They become very sensitive to advice or criticism regarding their love.

They become obsessed with this euphoric feeling and expect that it will last forever. That they will maintain this intense and pleasing “togetherness” forever. But we know that’s not how the story goes….

Stage two: Fullness

Anything that receives a constant input of supply, will eventually become filled – and that is what happens to this couple’s love. Their sensual desires eventually become full. There is no more space for more. This stage is more like a thin boundary between Falling in love and stage three: Rejection, between love and hate. What a strange type of love this is – the kind that is just one step away from hate? This stage can be achieved very quickly- depending on how often the couple sees each other during their Stage one. You can pro-long your love by keeping distance between you and your partner as long as possible – which means to not see each other every possible moment. The closer and more inseparable you are, the more intense the chemical love feeling may be, but also – the faster you will fall into Stage 2 and the harder you will fall into Stage 3.

Stage Three: Rejection

The Rejection phase begins when the intense chemical reactions from Stage One begin to die down. It’s the Hang-Over phase. Both people tend to feel deeply frustrated and sad. They reject each other on all different levels. It is in this stage that most couples separate. It is a very primitive response – we tend to try to squeeze as much “enjoyment” out of our partners as long as possible because it feels good for us, and then as soon as our partners object to being “enjoyed”, we leave. Because it doesn’t feel good anymore. This is such a primal way of thinking about love. We have a higher sense of consciousness than that, we have the ability to make long term commitments. We have the ability to commit to someone to love, and often times, we do not use it, because it’s hard work.

So now that the high is over, the partners begin to notice all the flaws in each other. They feel awkward, irritated and tired of each other. They begin to self-pity- feeling bad for their unfortunate situation, to be trapped in a relationship with a partner with so many flaws – what a sad story ;) . Their conscience sometimes whispers quietly in their ear, suggesting they should keep their love together, to work towards their marriage, to keep doing useful and helpful things for each other. The other voice tells them to leave, to give into their own selfish desire for self-preservation. To step away from the magnifying glass that they are under, which magnifies all their own flaws and bad qualities, to shy away from responsibilities and duties to their partner, and to keep chasing the elusive stage one love.

Stage Four: Patience

If you are raised in a culture that encourages long-lasting marriages and relationships, it is likely you also value commitment. This may give you enough incentive to be patient in your relationship and stick it out. However, modern day communities often encourages divorce. Divorce procedures are becoming more and more simplified. Many people even enter their marriage believing that “getting divorced” is always an option. When the couple reach stage 4, it is only their national, family, cultural and religious traditions and values that  can help keep their relationship together. The couple must believe in keeping their relationship together.

In this stage what the young couple need most is to be around good examples of married couples. They need to understand what it takes to build family happiness, and how to disregard and work through the building resentment they are experiencing. The couple need to be educating themselves during this period of patience – on how to develop strength in love, commitment, devotion, faith, trust and loyalty. The couple may not feel much “love” towards each other during this phase, they might also be feeling quite exhausted from all the emotional ups and downs, but they can use their higher wisdom to stay strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Patience is easy to achieve if you grew up with these values. If you did not grow up in a community where patience and perseverance were embodied and encouraged, it is going to be harder work for you. Of course not impossible though!

Stage Five: Duties

Patience is only good if, during the time that you are “patient” you also build on your sense of responsibility. Patience without an increase of responsibility will cause troubles and oppression. It would be kind of silly. In this stage the couple must  be patient with each other but continue to fulfill their duties and responsibilities to each other. They should continue to help each other out however they can. Patience means that the couple should focus so much on their duties and responsibilities to each other that they simply do not consider their partner’s bad qualities important. They should not think about what they are getting back for their efforts, they should focus only on what they must do, and the changes they can make. It is only in this way that their relationship can progress.

I am sure many people will read that and I think “What kind of relationship is that? What kind of relationship is one where the couple do not have love for each other, but instead live like slaves to each other? That doesn’t sound like love to me!”

But what does sound like love to you then? Complicated love triangles, open relationships, passionate love affairs, the first 6 months of a relationship, a husband who buys your flowers for valentines day but never wants to come home, a wife who wears beautiful dresses and accompanies you to a work party but who keeps secrets from you? It sounds funny, but strangely these are the love-schemes that we accept today. We think that’s OK. We think that’s love because it has elements of the chemical love that we are addicted to. We are raised to be selfish – to demand things from our partner, but to spend little time thinking about what it takes to actually care about our partner. We are wiling to live together for convenience reasons, and then have affairs on the side in order to chase what we believe feels good.

I think what we need to understand that love does not appear out of thin air. It must be nurtured, it must be fought for. In eastern societies, the concept of long lasting love in marriages is simply “to endure – together”.

So there is no need for us to believe too heavily in the stages of disillusionment. It’s not going to be a fairytale. There will be a magnifying glass on all of your flaws and that is going to be uncomfortable. You will have many opportunities to take offense and be selfish. You won’t FEEL like being loving all the time – but it is important that you do it anyway. Love will only arise out of respect, and respect comes over a period of time of demonstrating trustworthy behavior, and when your spouse sees you consistently choosing the higher, and most loving and kindest option, when your spouse sees you continuing to keep your promises and fulfill your duties regardless of what you “feel like doing”. When your partner sees these traits in you, and you see the same thing your partner, you will start to feel a deep sense of respect for each other, for all the things that have been done by them from a sense of duty over the years of living together. And only then do you have the opportunity of real love.

Stage Six: Respect

Stage five is likely to be the longest stage of all in the couples relationship. It can last a very long time, almost their entire life together. However, from time to time, little flashes of respect are shown in the form of gratitude and spontaneous love. A sense of duty is a spiritual concept and only a spiritually rich person can act from a sense of duty. Fulfillment of duty elevates your dignity and builds respect.

Love and duty go together. Respect is what happens when people commit to each other in relation to service and selfless work. In this stage of the relationship the couple realizes how valuable their partner truly is. They truly feel the unconditional love emanating from their beloved. They feel deep respect and security from their partner. At this stage the relationship begins to feel much more stable. A new level has been reached.

Stage Seven: Love

True love can only be created out of respect, and respect can only be cultivated when one observes their duties and responsibilities completely and fully. The love between the husband and wife will only manifest when their interest in each others material bodies have run out (that does not mean only physically, but it also means aspects of their partners life that is occupied in the material world). They longer identify themselves with trying to enjoy each other, but instead devote themselves to bringing the other, and also everyone in their life, happiness. They continue to do their duties, but now a true and strong love begins to emerge in their actions. This is the beginning of real love.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Sources: Unfortunately I can’t find the exact lecture that I first learned about these 7 stages, but it was from The Art of Living!!

Love

S

Love loans: where to go when the love runs out!!

Love loans

You are given a certain amount of happiness to enjoy with your partner. Kind of like a loan. To pay it back your loan, you must bring happiness to your partner and to people around you, and not only enjoy it for yourself.

When your love loan runs out

So you come home with your love loan from the universe, and you can decide how you want to spend it. You could spend a little bit every day and stretch it out for two weeks, or you could have a really awesome weekend and use it all up in three days. It doesn’t really matter. Suppose you choose the weekend option. You have a great weekend with your boyfriend and spend all your love. Now your resources are running very low. Suddenly loving seems like a hard thing to do. You fight, pick on the small things, have a big blow out. You can’t understand why this is happening, it doesn’t make sense- you just spent a happy weekend together – but it’s obvious, you just used all the love you were given. You realize that you need to make another withdrawal.

How to make another withdrawal

In order to make a trip to the bank to withdraw your love, you need to distance yourself from your relationship with love. Only a woman can do this. This is because only the woman has the power to deepen the relationship, and only the man has the power to move the relationship forward. There are rules on how a woman can lovingly distance herself from the relationship that must be followed. If these rules are not followed then she puts her entire relationship at risk. I plan on writing a blog post in the future about this topic, but to be brief, when a woman distances herself from the relationship, she must continue to fulfill her duties to her man, and she must also continue to create love between them (and not try to “punish” him).

When it is hard to love

When it becomes difficult to love you need to go outside sources for this love. Where else are you supposed to start feeling loving? Do you plan on waiting for your partner to do something that will inspire these loving feelings in yourself? Because you will be waiting a really long time!

You need to sit down, in meditation, and you need to ask the universe for more love. You need to ask for the ability to love. And then you need to wait and notice and slowly, you will begin to fill up.

When you don’t receive your love loan

There will be times when you feel like you are unable to fill up with this love. This means one of three things:

“Before you receive this love, you need to pay off your last one”

As I mentioned before, in order to pay off your love loan, you need to bring your partner (and other people) happiness, and not simply just enjoy it for yourself – as it is often very easy to do with a love loan. Once you get a big withdrawal of love, you don’t have to do any work, you can just sit back and enjoy the passive loving feelings. When you can continue to work for the love but also enjoy your loan – you start to keep on top of your repayments. So if you don’t receive the love you are asking for, ask yourself – have I been selfish? Am I doing any work to bring my partner happiness?

If not, do these things! What makes him happy? You should know this by now. Do them. For a while, think about how to make your partner feel loved and inspired.

“Before you can receive this love, you need to burn your karma”

Bursts of Karma also influence happiness in your relationship to a great extent too. It can just be a “difficult time” that you need to work through your karma, in order to experience the peace afterwards.

Karma can come up as a deep inner discomfort, and yet a yearning to move forward – a yearning for it to all be over. There might not even be in any clear indicators in your life to warrant this inner troubling, which just makes it all the more confusing. It just means your consciousness just needs to work on something, so give it some time.

When you experience Karma for yourself, you partner can also be affected because he is the closest person to you. And if you experience a shared family karma together, it is equally as difficult because family karma is the heaviest karma to work through.

The best thing to do is you suspect this is your case, is to continue to complete your dharma, your duties, completely and fully. Keep doing what you need to do, and try to do them well.

Understand that your consciousness is taking a karmic test right now in order to make a shift. Understand that you are going through a test that was perfectly tailored for you due to your past actions and intentions.

“Before you can receive this love, you need to wait for the planets to align”

Astrological influences also impact your family happiness. Based on the composition of your own astrological chart, different planets can have different impacts on your fate – for example – Jupiter’s transit may effect you tremendously, whereas Mercury can pass without much notice. Also, every planet has both positive and negative influences, so you can feel their impact in either a positive or negative way.

Sometimes when going through a particularly strong astrological movement, a couple – not understanding what is happening, can decide to separate, only to find, months later, when this period has passed, that they can’t find even one good reason for their separation.

During these influences you need to try to stay calm and grounded and build your tolerance and patience.

Love ya all!!

S

13 steps to a More Spiritually Conscious Relationship with your Sweetie Pie

 

Why should you have a conscious relationship?

Good question. When we are searching for our partner, we tell ourselves “I want a loving relationship” or “I want a loyal relationship” or “I want a passionate relationship” or “I want a fun relationship”, and while these are all great, if those are your only requirements, then I believe it can limit you from truly enjoying a total and complete companionship with your sweetie-pie-kissy-kissy-face.

Let’s work to engage in a conscious relationship with our partner. If consciousness and awareness is our first and foremost intention, then the romance, passion, cuddles, love, trust, loyalty and companionship will naturally follow. By bringing consciousness into the realm of your relationship, we begin to feel spiritually fulfilled in our relationship. And all relationships are spiritual connections, but often times we miss that connection, and end up feeling unsatisfied or emotionally empty in our relationship.

So, how do you do that?

1. Practice non-violent communication.

It’s surprising how quickly we succumb to violence as a voice for our desperation, anger, and even sadness. We are so quick to blame, antagonize, threaten, yell at and give haughty ultimatums, all based on the belief that this will get us what we want (love, affection, understanding, an apology, some kind of assistance). Make a real and conscious effort to avoid non-violent communication with your honeybunny. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive all the time and ignore things that upset you, all it means is that you react appropriately and realize that there is never an excuse to be violent. Is it acceptable for your partner to beat you to prove a point? No. Is it acceptable for you to hurt someone emotionally to prove a point? No. There is no “fine line”, there is no grey area. It is crystal clear, black and white. Violence or non violence. There is no such thing as a friendly threat, a kind guilt trip. And if you strip all of this away, all you are left with is honest and an open communication. If you are angry, you can tell them you are angry without becoming your anger.

For a 30 day trial, make it your intention to practice non-violent communication. Has there ever been a time when your sweetie asked you a simple question, and you, having many other important things on your mind, snapped back an answer? Or perhaps you have been the recipient for such undeserved tone? Make it your intention to breathe, feel your feelings, and respond lovingly and sweetly.

2. Practice non-violent action.

I guess this means no more throwing your curling iron across the room, ladies! Just kidding. Violent forms of action (and reaction) are not simply confined in the realms of domestic abuse. Things like just “happening to bump into your ex” after an argument with your partner, any kind of move to provoke jealousy from your partner (“Jealousy always has the opposite affect you want it to have”), walking out without any reasons (if you are making the highest decision for the relationship by leaving the environment, you can always tell them that, even if you don’t know exactly why), yelling, pushing and shoving (and more), mocking your partner in any way shape or form. By simply bringing more awareness into your relationship you might surprise yourself with how “violent” we can be in our speech and our actions, even if “violent” was a word we never thought of associating with ourselves.

I could end this post right here and just those two steps would be enough for you to bring consciousness into your relationship. But, I’ll keep going….

3. Your partner is your greatest teacher.

How about this – your partner is perfect. You don’t need to fix them. He is here to teach you so much. Are you learning all you need to? Are you keeping up? Are you learning your lessons? You see, the only person you need to work on is yourself, because your partner is perfect. If only the world would start seeing their own relationships this way – imagine how different things would be? We would spend our time bettering ourselves, rather than engaged in a futile attempt to change someone else.

For the next 30 days, try to see the lessons your partner is trying to teach you. See your partner as endlessly wise. He has much to show you, much to teach you. And if there are times he does things that make you think “well that sure ain’t ‘endlessly wise’” imagine that he had acted in that way for you to learn your lesson. All is well with your honey. What do you need to work on?

4. Your relationship is a mirror.

Your relationship is a perfect reflection on yourself, and your life. Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Chances are there are areas in your life you feel trapped in too. But your relationship is close to home, it is probably the most intimate connection you have with somebody, so begin here. Ask yourself what feelings does your relationship bring up for you? What do you associate with it? And then find the reflection of these associations in the rest of your life. Then begin to fix those, and notice your relationship magically shift.

5. Make changes for yourself, and your relationship will follow.

Instead of saying things like “If only he would do pay more attention to me…then we would be happier”, turn it around to “if only I would pay more attention to me, then we would be happier” or “if only I would pay more attention to him, then we would be happier”. Whatever changes you want to bring about in your partner, make them happen in your own life first, and your relationship will follow.

6. See your cutie pie as an individual.

Who was your honey before you guys melted into each other? He was human. He had good habits, bad habits, dreams, fears, hopes, passions, interests. Guess what? He still has all those things, so allow him to. Let him be alive. Let him experience the world and himself the way he needs to. Your job is to provide that space within your relationship for him to do just that. And he will gladly return the favour. Remember that your sweetie pie is doing the best he/she can with the resources they feel they have available to them.

7. Treat your partner nicely.

We forget to take the time to just treat our partner “good”. To not take them for granted, to appreciate every nice thing they do do for us. To do nice things for them, like sending a note in their lunch, or a surprise phone call, or a loving text, or a home full of candles, or a massage, or researching something that is important to them, or just listening to them about their day.

8. Good expectations Vs. bad expectations.

While it is okay to have expectations about your relationship as a whole (“I expect to feel loved and respected in a relationship”) you don’t need to have expectations about HOW that will happen (“I expect my husband to buy me roses for my birthday and make it a huge deal, or else I will be disappointed”). Once you are disappointed once by having unrealistic expectations, it becomes very difficult to stop feeling disappointed and unsatisfied in your relationship. So ease up on the expectations and be pleasantly surprised.

9. Be honest and loyal.

A wonderful way to bring consciousness to your relationship is to just be honest. Remember, when you lie to your partner, you are lying to yourself, and that is one of the most hurtful things you can do to yourself. An aunt once told me “No matter who you are with, just be loyal. Just be honest. Just be true.” Now this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t end a relationship if it i sno longer is working for either of you, it simply means, do whatever you need to do, but always do it in the right way.

10. Fight well.

Have constructive fights, not damaging fights. Feel your emotions, and try to steer clear of aiming your negative feelings at your hunnylips, and instead at the experience or the circumstance you find yourself in. Use every disagreement you have to elevate you to a higher level. Every fight should help you understand him/her more, not hold you back.

Also, understand that the moment you speak badly of your partner to someone outside the two of you, you distance yourself from the relationship. Especially if the person you are talking to is not an objective source, and ends up siding with you.

11.  Make up well.

End fights well. Learn what you need to learn. Don’t leave issues unresolved. Understand why the argument happened in the first place.

12.  Listen well.

Learn to listen again. Listen lovingly. Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. It can be shocking how self involved we can become in a long term relationship. If you catch yourself doing it, quit it, and make a shift in the conversation. Make one of your intentions to simply “listen” and to “serve”. If you don’t feel listened to, or heard in your relationship, begin here by being the best listener to your partner in the history of the universe.

13.  Love well.

Be loving in the way that is right for you. If you are romantic- be romantic. If you claim you used to be romantic but somewhere along the line you just “lost it” – be romantic. If you show love by doing favours, helping out, doing nice things – do all those things! If you show yourself by cuddles, kisses, and other forms of affection – give more cuddles and more kisses today! How do you express your feelings of affection and love? Do those things. Love deeply, and always, always, always, love out loud. Otherwise, what’s the use?

 ____

Happy May

Cheerio

(a more positive) S

 ____

PS: In my case, Sweetie pie is Suchi!!

PSS : iPad on its way!!!

Posted from my MacBook Pro

 

How to Make People Feel Loved

love

Relationships are invaluable things in our lives. They must be nurtured and cherished in order for us to learn what we have to learn from them.

*When I refer to “Relationships” I mean both romantic relationships, and the not-so-romantic relationships too. Both are equally instrumental in our big picture.

Often times, when we talk about relationships, we’re referring to our partner. What they are doing right, what they are doing wrong, what they need to do differently, and how they could change so that we could have a shot of being happy. Wouldn’t it be more interesting for us to instead focus on what we can do? On what changes we can make to make all the important people in our lives feel as special as they are?

In all our relationships our intentions should be:

To express the truest and highest version of ourselves.

And also

To create an environment that allows our partner to express the truest and highest version of themselves.

That’s it.

And when you do these things, you automatically love yourself. And you love your partner.

Relationships turn sour when our intentions deviate from this. When we want our partner to be a certain way, or do certain things, or perhaps NOT do certain things. When we believe that things have to be a certain way in order for us to be “happy.”

We hold our best counsel, and this goes for our partners too. Even the highest vision we have for our partners may not be as high as the one that they have for themselves – so it isn’t our place to judge, condemn or instruct them on how things must be. Our partners are our greatest teachers.

In this post, I will be talking about how we can create an environment that allows our partner to express the truest and highest version of themselves. This can be done in three ways.

ATTENTION

Pay attention in your relationships. Listen to your partner. The good stuff, the bad stuff, the ugly stuff. It doesn’t matter. Listen without judgement. Just be there for them. Just create a space that they can feel how they choose to feel, without having to self-censor themselves.

Actually listen to what they are saying, instead of waiting for your turn to talk. How was their day? No, really, how was their day? How do they feel about the way their life is going? Do they look beautiful today? Tell them!

Care about the things they care about, simply because you care about them.

Allow their presence to speak for themselves. Allow it to glow through in everything they do and say.

If they have something incredible to share, and maybe they are too shy to share it, introduce them to the right people, let them share their stories, allow them to sparkle. When you live to make someone else shine, you can’t help but get some of that sunshine on yourself too.

Ways to give someone you love attention:

–          Call them just to talk.

–          Ask them how their day was and really listen.

–          Ask them meaningful questions about who they are, who they want to be, and what they believe is possible for them.

–          Introduce them to your friends / your homies / your peeps.

–          Find an environment that you feel they will be able to share some of what they know without judgement.

–          ListenSmile

–          Do something special just for them. Everyone loves surprises.

–          Do something genuinely helpful for them. Something that will truly make their life easier.

–          Set up a date night!

–          Compliment them in public. (genuine compliments, please)

AFFECTION

Because we all need cuddles!

Of course, affection can manifest in many forms – so find a channel that works for you and just spread the love, y’all!

We all want to feel loved and cherished. Attention without affection can feel cold and uncaring. If attention is the hug, then affection is the warm fuzzy feelings that accompanies the hug.

And a hug without those warm fuzzy love feelings just doesn’t get the job done!

Ways to show affection to the ones you love:

–          Kisses and cuddles.

–          Making them laugh until it hurts.

–          Hold hands.

–          Bake them cookies/cake/ or whatever dang dessert they love.

–          If you missed them, tell them.

–          Take walks together.

–          Call them just to talk.

–         Buy or make them a meaningful gift.

–          Smile warmly at themSmile

APPRECIATION

What makes us want to do more of the great things we do? Appreciation.

Our relationships and partners should naturally inspire us to continue doing wonderful things in our lives. It should be effortless. The appreciation you receive should be self-fulfilling itself. It should make you want to keep going out there into the world, chasing your dreams, and constantly evolving into the most kick-ass version of yourself.

Are there things you haven’t fully appreciated your partner for? There is always something to appreciate.

Maybe it’s the way they go to work and make money to keep your home happy and safe.

Maybe it’s the way make sure there is dinner on the table every night.

Maybe it’s the way they make you laugh!

Maybe it’s the way they folded down a page in a magazine they thought you would like.

They don’t have to do any of these things, but they do, because they love you, and they love themselves.

Maybe it’s just the fact that they are themselves. Being who they are and allowing you to somehow be a part of it.

Are there times in your relationship where you think “I probably would do that if they made me feel more appreciated!”

Of course you would. Anyone would. Everyone would do amazing things if they felt validated and loved and cherished for their efforts. It’s natural.

If you want to break this cycle, start showering your partner in appreciation.

Ways to show your partner you appreciate them:

–       Take the time to think of 5 things you really appreciate about your partner.

–       Send hand-made thank you cards/letters.

–      Don’t forget to say thank you!

–       Take the time to think about all the things you have grown to “Expect” your partner to do, and imagine your world if these expectations no longer existed – and they did                these things anyway. Think about how grateful you are for this.

–      Help out with something your partner usually always does, just because you appreciate that they do this for you all the time.

–      Speak good things about your partner and all the things they do and are for you.

–      Give them a biiiiig thank you hug!

–      Buy them coffee for being so awesometastic.

–      Try to make their “job” or “work” a little bit easier for them.

You know, even just a simple, meaningful, and genuine “thank you for ____” said with love, is enough!

Let’s make it our intention to show warmth and care in all of our actions. Life is short and we just don’t have enough time to waste on being angry, sad, resentful, unappreciative, and in any state of mind that is not in total AWE of your amazing self, life, and all the beautiful people in it.

LOVE YOU $uchi

with love

SHUBHAM BHAM BHAM BHAM BHAMXbox