1. Blame each other for things that neither of you can control.
2. Make what you are doing more important than the time you are spending together.
3. Focus on the negatives of your relationship
5. Talk about past circumstances that were totally unavoidable, but that you can take very personally for no real reason!
6. Get very, very drunk.
7. Make sure you don’t apologize.
8. Blame the suck-fest of a date night on each other.
9. Talk about how awesome/strong you have been with all the compromises/challenges/difficulties/earth-shattering life changes you have made for him/the family/your parents/your friends/your life – and then take the initiative to suggest that what your partner has gone through is minuscule in comparison.
10. A Date is a great time to try to “fix” any problems in your relationship. If “fix” is a code word for “dwell over”.
11. Make sure you get other people involved. The more names, the better!
12. Be an inconsiderate asshole….hehehehe! LOL
13. Don’t reassure each other. That would make ruining date so much less fun.
14. A Date is also a great time to suggest that you may not want to be in this relationship anymore, even if you don’t really mean it or believe it yourself (a date is the best kind of moment to be ambiguous about important things) .
15. If you want support with some issues you are dealing with in your relationship, don’t say “Honey, I really need some support with some issues I am dealing with in our relationship”, instead you should say something like “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore” or other things that are equally vague because he SHOULD know what you really mean.
16. Say to him “I just want to be alone now” and then be upset that he left.
17. Talk about exes (Kiss my ethnic ASS…Himanshu the douche).
19. Don’t listen, just try to make sure they understand what YOU are trying to say.
20. Criticize other things about their life and their life choices that don’t have anything to do with the relationship issue at hand.
21. Talk about exes some more (Yeah just about you…you Mother F****r Himanshu).
22. Make sure they know that you think they are being childish.
23. Forget about anniversaries/birthdays/dates.(PRETTY Awesome)
24. Be in a bad mood before the date even begins! Don’t waste any time trying to get there, come prepared.
25. Get really worked about the little things.
26. Keep making comments about how this “spending time”sucks.
27. Text from your phone/browse net preferably ESPN SoccerNet!
28. Sit in a sad silence for a very long time. Then sit in an angry silence for a very long time.
29. With hold “stuff”. Just cause you can.
30. Say “Hey maybe you should write a blog post on how to officially ruin a date with your girlfriend”?
31. If you want a fun trip to go on for date – try a guilt trip. The best! If you can’t go yourself, make sure you buy a one way ticket for your girlfriend. She’ll love that.
32. When in doubt, always assume.
33. If things are not ideal, it is safe to assume that it will be this way forever, because things in life never change.
34. Start sentences with things like “You never…”, “You always…”, “You should..”.
35. Support other people more than you support your boyfriend/girlfriend…this one is too good!
36. Use the L word with extreme caution. No one wants to hear that shit now…seriously!!
37. Don’t even for a second think that your partner might be doing the best they can.
38. Make your mood more important than their feelings.
39. Never make it totally clear that at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, you don’t want to leave, and you don’t want them to leave, and you love them and the only thing that is making you act this way is because you’re scared. If you make this fact clear – you probably won’t get as big a chance to ruin a date!
And why stop at just a date? If you want to go all out, you could easily keep these destructive patterns going on for the duration of your relationship. That way, you can make ruining a date an every day occurrence.
It’s kind of different to what I usually write, but take the humor with a grain of salt. It’s funny, but it’s happening, and when it’s happening, it isn’t funny.
Okai…enough of being shameless!
Hey, life is too short to be an asshole. Especially to the one you love.